I find that this lull between Xmas and New Year’s is just about the worst time to make decisions and set goals.

There’s that mad rush to finish things before the new year starts, to set some sort of purpose for yourself, and to jump into hastily made plans with both feet, and then be surprised and disappointed when it turns out that the thing you were jumping into was actually only two inches deep and you’ve now broken both of your ankles…

I’m encouraging the people I know not to institute any changes or plans, vague or otherwise, until March*. Take the time between now and then to research what you’re getting yourself into or to just learn more about why you want to make that change. Then work on it. And by March you should be ready to declare a goal based on that change.

It will also align with your Q1 goals nicely, if you’re a corporate type.

*Moratorium does not apply to craft projects.

This is not a pity party. I am not here to whine or make excuses.

But I am going to talk about failure. Specifically, three of my failures.

I think a lot of people in Real Life and on blogs are so focused with presenting their best selves or presenting a persona, that talking about the things that they’ve attempted and NOT succeeded at often turns into a pity party or a whining session or an excuse-filled “everything happens for a reason” diatribe, all geared toward shoring up their persona.

This is not that. This is just me talking about things I wanted and, yet, failed to accomplish.

Going to Graduate School
I desperately want to go to graduate school. I want to get an MFA in Creative Writing from Goddard College. I want to get an MFA with an instructional component so that I can teach in higher ed. This is what I have always wanted, since I was in high school. I failed to complete my application, not once, but twice. It’s because I’m afraid of being rejected or, if I were accepted, of failing once I was enrolled. So I fail to apply.

Being a Writer of Fiction – or of anything other than this blog
I have wanted to be a writer my whole life. So many ideas and zero execution. I haven’t written anything substantial since I wrote BtVS fanfic. EPIC FAIL. What is holding me back? The fear that no one will read what I write. I need an audience. I couldn’t care less if people like it or not, but I would like a stranger to read it and take it seriously. How do I find an audience? I would love to write comic books. I have stories to tell in that form. I know what I need to do – but I how do I make myself do it? I don’t know how to motivate myself, so I fail to try.

Lose 60 Pounds by My 30th Birthday
Not going to happen. I might hit 35 pounds lost, 40 if I’m super strict. A year is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to lose 60 pounds. That’s five pounds a month. F Minus!

Not succeeding in these things (aside from all of my failed knitting projects or not started crafts), not even attempting these things, it doesn’t make me less of a person or the victim of anything, it just adds to the lack of inertia that already existed and my sense of not being able to be an agent of change in my own life.

How do I motivate myself to do the things I actually want to do? This is my internal struggle.