Good news: No PCOS! No hypothyroidism!

Bad news: No PCOS! No hypothyroidism! High cholesterol!

I’m relieved that my ovaries aren’t trying to kill me and that my uterus is normal. I’m glad that my thyroid isn’t malfunctioning. But…

My doctor thinks my physical symptoms may be a result of my depression. He also thinks I should consider therapy again. Fine, therapy is helpful because it’s all about you. But he was treading very close to the “it’s all in your head” thing and I did push back a little bit on that, so he says if my physical symptoms continue or worsen while my depression improves, more blood work to rule out lupus (I almost yelled “It’s NEVER lupus!”) or something else that I didn’t hear because I was thinking about House.

I’m not diagnosis shopping, but I’m frustrated about the complete dismissal of a thyroid problem considering I have every symptom including elevated cholesterol (which, per the doc, I’m supposed control through diet, so I’m giving up my indulgence in breve lattes and 1/2 & 1/2 in my coffee [frowny face]). If it’s not in my head, or my thyroid, and it’s not behavioral (which I’m ruling out because, been there, done that), THEN WHAT THE FUDGE IS IT? Blah.

If this mess continues, I might ask for a referral to a specialist. Is that a good idea? At this point, I usually just give up because, as Chris Rock put it, “Doctors don’t cure shit” and I feel like I’m wasting everyone’s time and that I’m failing as a human being for not just fixing myself with my above-average intelligence.

I cannot bring myself to finish anything at work. I fiddle and fart around with all the papers on my desk, review lists, and calendars, but when it comes to the few things I absolutely must do, I have zero motivation.

At home, I just sit or have a lie down. It’s a good thing that Tom has caught the Xmas Spirit this year, because while I’m feeling it, I’m not really doing anything with it and he’s just bustling with holiday energy. I should have taught him to knit!

I just started taking a mood stabilizer about a week ago, but I’m not really noticing any effect yet. It would be nice to not be depressed and anxious all the time, so I’m hoping it starts to work.

I had a pelvic ultrasound earlier this week, which I tweeted about, but I must reiterate I HAD TO WAIT FOR 1.5 HOURS WITH A FULL BLADDER. I think it did some damage, because I have had the sensation of having to pee ever since. Hopefully, it goes away. The actual ultrasound wasn’t so bad, but the techs were nosy but also very clinical and inhuman. Programmed to ask personal questions in the most unfeeling manner, they were annoyed with my when they were unable to locate my left ovary. Of course, I was hiding it from them just to be difficult. So in order to punish my insolence, I had to have an internal ultrasound as well. I have heard horror stories about internal ultrasounds, about how the ultrasound wand is a giant dildo sent from outerspace to impregnate you with it’s alien robot sonar-babies, but I was neither shocked nor impressed by it. It wasn’t nearly as uncomfortable as a speculum, but the tech did bump my cervix a couple of times and that HURT LIKE BEING STABBED IN THE GUT WITH A RUSTY BAYONET.

Of course, they never told me what they were seeing and seemed to think I was wasting their precious sonar tech time by being there, so I take that as a sign that I do not have anything terrible growing in my lower abdomen.

Now I just have to worry about what mutations have been caused by having the rapidly dividing cells of my reproductive organs exposed to high-frequency sound. MERRY FLIPPIN’ XMAS!

It’s December, which means I look at my credit card bill and think, “I haven’t bought any presents yet. Why is my balance so high?”

Even though the goal is to do handmade presents, gifts from the heart and whatnot, every year I get overwhelmed/depressed in the fall and nothing happens until the day after Thanksgiving, so the inevitable panic to purchase some gifts for the people I adore.

Except this year, I GOT THE FLU THE DAY AFTER THANKSGIVING. I missed a whole week of work and was so sick I didn’t get anything around the house finished at all. This after being sick with some kind of weird virus/stomach thing the previous week.

UGH. NOVEMBER. SO GLAD IT’S OVER.

But I’m in a sticky wicket. I’m kind of broke and I have the next five days to finish my Xmas Delights and get them shipped.

But mostly, I just feel like twittering a lot of swears.

This was our first Thanksgiving IN THE HOUSE. This oven and I are still getting to know each other, so some dishes came out better than others. Some pies came out better than other pies. The turkey took longer than expected. Still, not too shabby for a couple of sickies.

Yesterday, I just slept and sat on my arse for most of the day. Too sick to do anything else. Today, I watched a movie and finished carving the turkey – right now, I am making turkey stock for soup and replacement gravy.

Oh, the gravy! Sonnets should be written about this gravy. You would give me your firstborn child for this gravy. But you can keep it, because I would not want a kid instead of this gravy.

Tomorrow, I will bake some bread and make some turkey soup. Tom will put up Xmas lights. I will feel better (?) or possible get overwhelmed about Xmas prep and how I should have finished gifts a month ago. But the good news, no matter how you slice it, is that now I can listen to Christmas Music every single day and only the Jews I work for will complain.

Ha ha!