It’s not so much a post-Xmas dip as much as it’s my fourth week off, I’m bored out of my mind, and the stress of the New Year starting is more than I can handle, so I’m really struggling with anxiety and depression right now, and it’s not helped by my complete lack of funds, bills are coming due and so I sleep for 16 hours and then don’t go to bed until 4 or 5 in the morning… well, I’m looking forward to classes this weekend.
There’s the misconception that taking antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds, plus therapy, means that you will never be depressed or anxious again. And that’s a nice thought. And for people who come to depression later in life, their prognosis is pretty good. It’s better than mine, anyway. I’ve been anxious and depressed for most of my life, I didn’t know that’s what it was, of course. What medication and therapy mean for me is a greater understanding of why I feel and behave the way I do and what I need to do in order to avoid anxiety (and the depression that goes along with it). For me, so much of this is tied up in being of use, being productive, that I can stir myself up into a whirlwind of anxious impotence before I even realize what’s happened. Then, the depression comes.
I know it will end as soon as my mind is flooded with new ideas and problems to solve, and papers to write. This is part of the reason that I am on a steady media diet; new stories, books, games, etc., keep me from losing my shit completely. But people? Too many people, too much interaction, and I feel like an alien is going to explode out of my chest.
And so I’ve been trying sitting meditation, but Wednesday I fell asleep, tipped over, and hurt my shoulder. So, I don’t know if sitting meditation is going to work for me, but I have a classmate who teaches it, and he’s offered to help me out, so I need to give him a call and see what my deal is.
This is my life.
sitting meditation sounds dangerous- at least on Wednesdays. Or maybe sitting meditation in a ball pit would be easier on the shoulders.
When you start classes up again, are they the LA classes? Because it is my experience that goblingrace-cuddles can be helpful with anxiety.
1. I love you.
2. Autry brunch is this Sunday if you’re feeling up to it.
3. I’m teaching a class after that if you feel like sitting around in a yarn shop.
4. My family is probably playing video games while I do that. So, you know. That’s an option too.
5. It’s okay if you don’t want to do any of those things.
6. But I do have your Christmas present.
7. I love you.
When I was crazed in my 30′s I cleaned my house. Sorry, I was crazy. Meditation: in my world; overrated. Good luck with that though. Sleeping; excellent. I love you and you know that fo sho! I fear you are modeling on me but that is the fear of every mother. Again, sorry. Can I tell you I love you in the sunshine and in the rain?
Anxiety that then causes depressions sucks monkey balls. I’m currently fighting to think about the world as an okay place to be – so I feel for all that you’ve put here.
xxoo j.
[hug] I hope you’re finding your way back. If not now, soon.