Dear Recent High School Graduate:
I am sure a lot of people are saying to you, “I can’t believe you’re graduating! It seems like only yesterday you were a child just headed off to school!”
I am not one of these people. I fully believe that you are graduating. What I can’t believe is that I am the same person who knew you way back then. It seems like a lifetime ago – and, of course, it is.
It has been your lifetime.
You are either 18 or 19 years old or will be very soon. Graduation from high school is timed to approximately coincide with this age. The idea is that you have been give a basic foundation in which to enter adulthood and/or college.
Nothing else could be further from the truth. In truth, you will make a lot of mistakes and, if you are particularly stupid or stubborn, be doomed to repeat them for the rest of your life. If you have any horse sense, you will not repeat the majority of your mistakes but find new things to fuck up along the way. This is what your parents and teachers have prepared you for. Thank them and forgive them, then move on.
If you are going to college – congratulations! There are no downsides to going college. Try not to flunk out, but if you feel like you are wasting time at school, don’t stay there.
If you are not going to college – congratulations! There are no downsides to not going to college. Try not to become a criminal or get arrested, but if you feel like you are wasting your time, start applying to colleges.
Now that you are a post-adolescent, you should not be wasting your time.
Lots of people are going to encourage you to think long-term and give you advice about being “successful.” They are not wrong. But… there is no manual for living life. There is only you and your experiences.
Now, I may only be approximately 14 years older than you (at the time of this writing), but this is a key point that it has taken me 14 years to figure out – 14 years of heavy thinking (including therapy), making mistakes, getting knocked down, and getting anxious and depressed about my choices. If I can save you a month of figuring it out by putting this nugget in your brain then good for us!
When I wrote “you should not be wasting your time” I meant exactly that. I think having dreams and goals is an important thing for everyone, but so is experiencing every day and being present in your own life.
You are wasting your time if you are not doing both of these things.
The other thing you need to know is that you don’t have to decide anything about yourself right now. You are not a completely finished person yet, no matter what your commencement speakers say, no matter what that diploma says, no matter where you end up in your life, you will never be a completely finished person. When I wrote at the beginning of this letter that I can’t imagine that I am the same person who knew you way back then, I meant it. I was approximately the age you are now. I have changed dramatically, inside and outside, in the in-between years and if you’re worth anyone else’s time or effort at all, you will have changed dramatically in the next 14 years, too.
All my best for what’s to come,
Katherine Smith
June 8, 2010
P.S. Obligatory money advice: Don’t ever spend your entire paycheck.
This was excellent. EXCELLENT.