Pain is an odd thing. Unless someone or something is actively inflicting it upon one’s self, it is not quite real.
Emotional pain, unless being outwardly expressed or manifested through destructive behavior, does not really exist.
I look fine. I look rested. I smile at people. I lie and tell them that I am doing well. The truth is that I am suffering from constant physical pain. It ebbs and flows, depending on my medication and level of physical activity.
For these past few days, it has been flowing to unbearable levels. It is like a snake curled up tight at the base of my skull striking and biting at multiple points along my spine and into my left shoulder. Are there mythological multi-headed snake beasts? It’s definitely not the Hydra. This thing has way more heads.
I shake. I clench my jaw. I sleep. I medicate. I drink. I eat cookies. (Are cookies better or worse than another Vicodin or Valium?) Various combinations can get me into a good enough mood (desensitized) that I can make the pain a dull-toothed annoyance.
I have an incredibly high pain tolerance. I was in an accident at age five in which I was burned by boiling water on ~70% of my body. Through that recovery, I was given morphine for the pain.
When the bar is set that high in your childhood, you just don’t experience pain the same way that other people do. Dental work without anesthesia? No problem. Surgery with a mild local anesthetic? Preferred.
When I experience most pain I step outside of myself (PTSD) to a certain degree. I dismiss it. I ignore it.
I cannot ignore this. This beast won’t let me go.
Jordan can truly empathize with your pain. He is still suffering pain from nerve damage sustained from a surgery 4 years ago. I am really sorry the pain isn’t subsiding. Is further treatment pending due to L & I bureaucracy?
I want to help. If you say it is okay, I will be at your door with cookies and a massage therapist. (I will also bring a baby, but she is mostly for Tommy.)
Totes the sitch on the treatment. Worker’s Comp down here sucks balls.
Also, I was going to call this post “The Phantom Menace” but then I was afraid that the comments would all be about Star Wars and I would rather make an oblique Buffy reference instead.
THE PHANTOM MENACE!!!!!
“You owe me what your people call a ‘life debt’”
-Qui-Gon Jinn
Godammit, Nathan. Don’t make me put you up as collateral in a pod race.
The boy is good, no doubts there. -Watto
Man, Darth Maul was soooo kewel.
Also, I totally give you permission to steal the women from my house for a day. Kjrstn is a damn good massage therapist, and Annika can play with Arrow while Tom plays with Grace.
I do not approve of you being in this pain.
It would be weird for me to offer narcotics at this point, right?
At least you have a dog now? [/unhelpful]
I seriously hope it gets better soon, Katherine.
And–wow, I totally missed the Buffy reference. That’s what you call rusty.