OMG! There’s TOTALLY a Pigeon in Our Fireplace!

Short Story Long:

Sometime last week, we started hearing strange noises in the house. Tom would get up at 3AM and wander around thinking, “HOME INVASION!” only to find our house completely secure.

Well, one morning, we heard pigeons cooing IN THE HOUSE.

Only, there were no pigeons in the house. It was coming from UP. INSIDE. THE. FIREPLACE.

“Oh, shit,” we thought, “we are homeowners and somehow we are going to have to get those pigeons off or out of our chimney!”

Given that we are not in any position right now to get pigeons out of anywhere (no ladder, and ladders = $$$$$), we figured that we’d wait until our friend Martin could bring over a ladder. No big whoop.

Well, on Saturday, there was a terrible metallic scratching and clanging coming from UP. INSIDE. THE. FIREPLACE. and I thought, “Those stupid fucking pigeons are roosting in my floo!” And resolved to shake my fist at them once we scared them out after we got the ladder.

Or to turn the fire on if I got really annoyed (not really, idle threat).

So, today I got home from work and was minding my own business when Tom yelled, “THERE IS A PIGEON IN THE FIREPLACE!” and started laughing.

As you can see from the above photo, the thing was covered in soot and totally mellow.

Earlier in the day, Tom had opened the floo in the hopes of confusing and/or convincing the pigeons that this was NOT A GOOD PLACE TO ROOST but had succeed in freeing a trapped pigeon instead (that’s our theory, anyway).

Tom put on some gloves, got a box, and prepared for injured pigeon work. Once he opened the glass doors, though, the pigeon was like “SWEET!” and totally flew out! Straight into our ugly maroon wall where it left a big sooty smudge! AN IMPROVEMENT!

We then scared it out the patio door and it flew off and joined the Pigeon’s Union Local to report on it’s week long job of alternately scaring, concerning, and annoying the owners of the Third Chimney on the Block.

As my good friend Annika says, OH MONDAY.