1. Bongo
2. Mr. Pooflinger
3. Jerry
4. Sharon
5. Jeeves
6. Mr. Bojangles
7. Babble
8. Hattie
9. Victoria
10. Ponch

- Telemarketer
- Loan Officer
- Secretary in a dentist’s office
- Bank teller
- Car valet
- Insurance adjuster
- Landlord
- Plumber

Pork Pie
Derby
Bowler
Cowboy
Bonnet
Beret
Kippah/Yarmulke
Top
Tam

From now until November 4th, every day, I will post one of the reasons that I am voting for Barack Obama.

I was going to write a post all about how John McCain can suck my balls (That was the title: “John McCain Can Suck My Balls”) and about how Sarah Palin is a pathetic power hungry hypocrite who will do anything to win what she views as a popularity contest (just like McCain). But I would prefer to build my candidate up. Barack Obama is the best choice for President in this election. Joe Biden is the best choice for VP in this election.

So, my post may be a link to his website. It might be a quote from one of his books. It might be video. Or it might be an original thought. But I’m determined to add to the positive content of the web regarding Barack Obama.

Stay tuned for Reason #1.

NOTE: This turned out WAY longer and more serious than I expected.

This won’t contain any spoilers, but I really need to talk about it. Season 1 of Top Design was “meh.” The challenges were repetitive. The judges were lame. Todd Oldham made no sense and didn’t seem to serve a purpose. And the contestants? Not interesting.

Season 2 introduces a new host, India Hicks, and moves Todd Oldham into a “mentor” role. This is already a huge improvement over last season. Oldham was an awful host and his attempts at remaining aloof and neutral came off as lame. He now has a more active role in advising the contestants and helping them generate ideas. India Hicks is a great host/judge - opinionated and knowledgeable, she describes challenges in a clear way.

The other judges are the same, but they seem way more comfortable in their roles. The judging process is way more casual (it feels more like Top Chef) now, and the contestants have “Pop Design” challenges now, which are like the “Quick Fire” challenges on Top Chef. SO MUCH BETTER. These challenges give the viewer and the judges a strong sense of the designers’ creativity and how they handle pressure - much more than the larger scale challenges.

It also appears that they are focusing on team-based challenges right now, which is good, because we’re talking about designing spaces and executing the spaces n a short period of time and leaving it to one person is dumb. That’s way too much physical labor for one person to create something good.

One thing still needs to improve: Audience education.

Interior Design is not a broad topic (not that fashion, hair styling, and food porn are - but they are broad-ish) and I don’t know that the average viewer (Bravo or not) has a vocabulary for design. What’s the difference between Modern and Contemporary? Architecture and Design? Design and Decoration? Placement and Composition? I have a vague understanding of these terms, but I sometimes feel like I’m seriously missing context and understanding of why one design is better than the other. Ugly is ugly, but how truly subjective is design?

Top Chef solves this problem by having interview segments with contestants woven in with challenge footage where they briefly explain the techniques they use and their reasoning. Wonderful stuff! The judges explain why techniques and flavors fail during critique - they try really hard to give good feedback to contestants.

Project Runway solves this problem by having the judges critiques be almost as big a part of the show as the challenges - they use a lot of creative metaphor in their descriptions, they explain why the designers concepts missed the mark and what they could have done to hit it. Often hilarious and very insightful into the industry and helpful to the contestants. Except for Rachel Zoe’s recent appearance. That woman is a retard. I can’t believe Bravo gave her a show.

Shear Genius has yet to solve this problem completely. The judges’ critiques are often long-winded ways of saying “ugly” and don’t give helpful feedback to the stylists. But the contestants, in their catty dissing of each other, give great explanations of why something is NOT WORKING - whether it be the clients hair type, the products used, or lack of a certain skill.

Top Design’s judges bear the burden of giving concrete criteria to the design challenges and explaining failure and success. They must educate the contestant and the audience - it’s in this way that these shows become entertaining. Not the contest. Not the personalities of the contestants. It’s why everyone loves Tim Gunn.

These are people who, for the most part, sit behind a desk, shuffle papers and read a teleprompter, and should be taken off the air. I’m not including sports anchors or weather people, because then I’d never stop typing.

Peter Alexander - Wants to be Anderson Cooper (they even photoshopped him to look like AC!). Unfortunately, he’s a stiff, boring, and cliched reporter.

Brian Williams - He’s all the worst bits of the old news anchors rolled up into a new, worse kind of news anchor.

Tamara Damante - A local news anchor who really needs lessons in reading the news. Emphasizes all the wrong things when she speaks. Smiles at the end of tragic or bad news stories.

Sam Shane - What a douche. Seriously. I’ve seen him co-host a morning show and be a news anchor, and he’s a fucking nightmare. Makes inappropriate commentary on almost every story.

I don’t get a lot of sunburns, but when I do, it’s always a painful, ridiculous affair. Stupid fair skin! Anyway, I’ve tried a lot of home remedies to try and alleviate the burn - to reduce the swelling, avoid the blistering, and the pain. The only things that work, in my opinion, are taking an ice cold shower or bath as soon as possible, taking two aspirins, and wiping yourself down with tea tree oil. In combination, I have found this to be the best possible way to manage a bad burn.

DO NOT TRY THESE, THEY DON’T WORK!

Vinegar - Seriously, acid on a burn? What was I thinking? I was desperate.

Witch Hazel - Sounds like a good idea. What a fucking waste of time. No difference.

Baking Soda paste - Use an ice pack instead. The only reason it feels like relief is that it cools while it’s moist.

Chamomile Tea/Black Tea - This sounds like a good idea, tea (especially chamomile) has all sorts of properties that should (at least, theoretically) soothe a burn. It doesn’t unless it’s ice cold. But it will eliminate any body odor for a couple of days!

Rosemary and lavender essential oils - You will smell like a roasted chicken and you’ll look like one, too.

I’m around old people all the time again and they use some great words - I’m not including the Yiddish, because that’s it’s own thing. Some I’ve never heard before, some I have, some I’ve included for informative purposes.

Piker - a real cheapskate, or a wimp, as I understand it. I’ve also heard it as a synonym for “loser.”

Bindle - that tied up bundle that a hobo carries on a stick. I hear people talk about these all the time, but they don’t know the word. It’s a bindle. You carry it on a bindle stick. And a bindle stiff is a hobo who has a bindle and carries all of his possessions in this way.

Yegg - a criminal who’s always on the move, a con man, but I like it when it’s used for a criminal who is a total fuck-up.

Sinkers - donuts. Some people probably still use this one, but I think everyone should.

Blower - the telephone. Not totally forgotten, but love it.

Abercrombie - a know-it-all, but I think it should be someone who’s all about the appearance of knowledge and sophistication, but it’s all surface.

Blat - I think it used to mean “newspaper” specifically, but I think it should just mean “news” or “the grapevine.”

Hey, remember this post? I’ve been saving it to do when I felt sort of blah about blogging.

I’ve been feeling very blah about blogging lately.

I’ve also not been very excited about NaBloPoMo themes since the month of lists. Nothing inspiring lately. I’m crossing my fingers for October.

But I seriously dug writing the lists, so when in doubt, try and recapture the past!

I’m getting over a sinus infection, but it seems pretty entrenched. We won’t know anything about the house until next week. And I’m so broke since my last payday was three weeks ago and that was only for four days.

I’m going to try and talk Tom into going up into Joshua Tree this weekend, because I just don’t want to be in the valley right now. It’s really humid and it smells like the Salton Sea (sulfur… blorch!). Maybe we’ll take the tram up the mountain… haven’t done that yet this year.

I just really want a plate of hot wings because the ones I had at dinner last night were not good.

Expect some political posts soon, the DNC rocked my socks off, and I’m more convinced that if anyone votes for the Republican ticket this year, they must have had a traumatic brain injury and have forgotten the last 8 years. The rest of you without TBIs have no excuse!